I’ve been on my self-love journey for a while now, and it’s really cool because it feels like I am constantly discovering new things about myself. I think we speak about loving ourselves and our bodies so much and that’s amazing, but that often happens on a more superficial level. So I’ve recently started to take a deeper look at myself, and to be honest, it isn’t all pretty.
But it is all me and I need to not only accept everything that I am, but also take a good hard look at myself in all of my raw vulnerability. And that’s been tough. I think we have so many layers to us and obviously we each also have our own baggage to unpack, which isn’t always easy to do. I think I was prepared to get to the root of a lot of my issues, but I don’t think I was ready to do the work and really break it down. And I definitely wasn’t ready to learn that I was the problem in a lot of the cases.
I’m beginning to do a lot more soul-searching and taking a much deeper look at myself. I’m getting in touch with my intuition, and really listening to it when it comes to figuring out what I need. I’m not going to lie, it hasn’t all been pleasant. In fact, it’s been downright painful at times. It’s not easy to recognize patterns of self-sabotage that you’ve been doing to yourself over the years. Finding out that you’re the person standing in your way, especially when it was subconscious and you didn’t even realize what was happening, can be really tough. But – then comes that amazing freeing feeling of knowing that you can change that.
Right now, what I like to call my ‘self-realization routine’ consists of regular therapy sessions with my psychologist, guided meditations, lots of yin yoga, and some lovely salt baths thrown in for good measure. I have found that, for me, a mix of traditional and not-so-traditional methods work best. But the most important thing is for me to get myself to a place where my ‘inner self’ feels safe and loved, unconditionally. Knowing that I would accept whatever feelings or realizations came up without judging myself or feeling shame has allowed me to dig deeper and uncover things that I may have kept locked away.
And now it feels like I’m learning to fall in love with myself on a deeper level. I’m also learning to choose myself and really prioritize things that will benefit me more than anyone else, even if that’s just saying no to going out one night because there’s an early yoga class that I wanna go to the next morning. I’m allowing myself to do the things that I need to or want to do, without feeling guilty. Which is amazing! The more I choose myself, the easier it becomes to make decisions that I know will be in my best interest or that I’ll truly enjoy. And the more that I choose myself, the more I allow deeper, more hidden thoughts and emotions to come up. I’ll be honest, it is a bit like Pandora’s Box and there are times where I think ‘OK, we can stop now, I’m ready to close this up and just live my little life’. But the life I was living wasn’t doing it for me. I felt like I wasn’t reaching my full potential or really living my best life. So for now, I’m going to keep digging and exploring and I encourage you all to do the same. Trust me, it sucks at first, but then it does start to feel right.